Danny Pintauro - Cover Story - The Advocate 9/26/00

Taking a bite out of live that cute boy from TV's "Who's the Boss?" is out, proud, and all grown up. Danny Pintauro talks about playing a gay hustler onstage, outliving his squeaky-clean TV past, and loving life on his own terms...

He's the Boss

Playing a gay hustler onstage this fall, Danny Pintauro talks about taking control of his career — and his love life — since his dramatic tabloid coming-out in 1997. By David Bahr

Standing outside a Manhattan café, Danny Pintauro is a slender wisp of a fellow, pale and lanky, with a hip, spiky haircut and an incandescent smile. Although 24, he seems barely out of his teens. Like the lovably loopy Jonathan Bower, whom the actor played for eight years on television's Who's the Boss? -- from age 8 to age 16 -- the perky Pintauro could be just another cute kid who still asks his parents for pocket change.

But in conversation, a mature young man emerges: a seasoned Hollywood veteran who, as he puts it, "doesn't beat around the bush." Obviously, this is one dude who can fend for himself.

That's a good thing too. For although Pintauro's sitcom ended in 1992, his emotional mettle was truly tested three years ago when The National Enquirer called and threatened to out him if he didn't talk with them about his homosexuality. The actor was only 21 and entering his senior year at Stanford University, where he was studying directing, but he handled the tabloid tizzy like a trouper. One of the first people he called was Judith Light -- his former Who's the Boss? costar and self-described "second mom."

He didn't really need her advice on how to handle the situation, however, Light recalls. "Dan's very much his own person, so when he called, it was, "I just want you to know this.' " It's not the circumstances of his coming-out that matter, Light says. "For me, the issue to talk about is the eloquence and the elegance and the grace with which this young man came out. I just adore him. He has turned himself into a different person, and that's remarkable to me."

Light -- a longtime activist for gay causes who sits on the board of the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center -- sees Pintauro as a role model for both gay and lesbian young people struggling with coming out and for straight people of all ages. "Those of us who are straight don't always know what we have to come out about," she says. "I think that when gay people come out, it gives the rest of us the chance to say, "Maybe we can tell the truth about ourselves too.' "

Since spilling the gay beans, Pintauro has worked consistently in the theater, appearing in Pulitzer prize–winner Paula Vogel's Hot n' Throbbing at the Arena Stage in Washington, D.C., Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde at the Charlotte Rep in Charlotte, N.C., and an off-off-Broadway production of James Still's The Velocity of Gary (Not His Real Name), in which he played the title character, a teen male hustler. This fall, he's reprising the role in a mini-tour: now through September 30 at San Francisco's New Conservatory Theatre; Oct. 4–7 at Theater! Theater! in Portland, Ore.; and Oct. 14, 21, and 28 at New York's The Duplex. Yet, despite his string of good reviews, Pintauro reveals to The Advocate that acting may not be in his future after all.

You were only 21 and out to your parents for about a year when the Enquirer called. Did you freak out?
No. I was utterly prepared for it. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I was out in every capacity of my life. I took a little time off at Stanford and lived in L.A. for a couple of months, and I was just being a big whore, being very out. So I was surprised it didn't happen then.

What was the first thing you did after the Enquirer contacted you?
I called my parents. They were a little more freaked out [than I was].

Did your parents give you any advice?
My parents were sort of hesitant. They just didn't know what to do. They were still dealing with me coming out and weren't 100% ready for this. So I called Judith. And Judith knew exactly what to do. She said "Look, just talk to them. If they are going to write a bogus story, at least they're going to quote you right, because they have to." So I spoke with them, and it actually turned out to be a really great article. It was heartfelt. There was lots of compassion. Everyone was very surprised. So I have some respect for the Enquirer for that. It could have gone very wrong, but it didn't.

How was coming out to Judith Light?
Judith was very supportive about it. She's just generally supportive.

How about Tony Danza? He's a former boxer from a working-class Italian family. Were you afraid that he would be homophobic and reject you?
I was as afraid of him as I was of my father, though probably a little less, because Tony is a celebrity who's been exposed to a little bit of everything -- certainly more than my father has been. But Tony had the typical Italian-father reaction: He didn't know what to say. I could tell he had some issues concerning it, and we just sort of left it alone.

Have you spoken with him about it since?
Yes. Once the press started happening he wrote me a note that said, "Whatever happens, I'm completely supportive of you." And that was right at the time when all the press was going on, and it was really nice to hear.

Was coming out to your parents harder than coming out to the press?
Of course, because coming out to the press doesn't matter to me. I'm a person who does not live the life of a celebrity. Even if I wanted to be a full-time actor -- and I don't -- I'm not going to hide who I am.

Did you worry about how it might affect you as a male actor?
Yeah. But I think you're talking to the wrong person about this because I really don't care. If I'm going to have an acting career, it's going to be based on the talent I have and the kind of roles I'm capable of playing. Whether I'm out publicly or not, I don't think I'm the type of actor capable of playing the romantic Romeo. I'm masculine, but I'm not that straight-acting.

Have there been any consequences since you've come out?
There have been more consequences with being Jonathan Bower than there have been with being gay. Casting directors still think of me as that kid on Who's the Boss? I'll hear that 100 times before I'll hear "You're too gay" or "You're too out."

[DANNY] You said you took some time off to explore the Hollywood life. Did you encounter other actors who were gay?
Oh, yeah, for sure. I was totally out by the time I was doing the L.A. thing.

Did other actors avoid you because of that?
Well, I don't hang around with a lot of celebrities. I know lots of unknown actors who are OK with their sexuality. About the only celebrity that I would encounter now and then was Chad [Allen], because we had mutual friends.

As a young kid in show business, when did you start to become aware of gay people?
From the very beginning. They're all over the place, building sets, doing all sorts of creative things. With Who's the Boss?, Judith's manager and his lover were always on the set with her. They've been a couple for more than 20 years.

A few years back, you did a Leeza show with Chastity Bono about coming out in Hollywood. You seemed extremely positive and happy. Yet those talk-show audiences can be like lynch mobs. Did anyone verbally attack you for being gay?
Yeah. They edited [out] most of the comments from this black woman who went on and on against homosexuality, even during the commercial break. But the reason I can be so optimistic is because I recognize that in some ways I'm smarter than people like that, because I'm conscious of what is going on in the world. She didn't have her own opinion. Everything she believes is based on the Bible, and what does that say about her as a person? I could dismiss her. The only time I would be really frightened is if it were someone who was very conscious about what was happening in the world and then said those things. And then I'd look at what's really going on behind that. There's got to be something going on for that person to be capable of making such terrible comments. Sometimes it's that they're so closeted and fearful of being gay themselves that they can do nothing but bash other gay people. It's hard for me to have room in my life for people who don't look at themselves.

What about forming relationships with men? Has that been hard for you since you've come out publicly?
I've been out for almost five years now, and I've been in a lot of relationships. I've learned my lessons just like everybody else. Learning what you like and don't like. People repeat patterns over and over again, and I'm trying to break mine.

What are your patterns?
I find myself dating men who haven't been in a long-term relationship before or who aren't really in touch with their emotions. I like real masculine guys, but so damn often that comes with the qualities that you hate about straight men. I'm very attracted to that masculine, military, tense type of guy.

Did you ever have a crush on Tony Danza?
He was like my father! [Laughs] He was concerned about my grades. No. I never thought about that when we were working together. Besides, I have never really been attracted to older men.

Are you seeing someone now?
[Laughs] At this current moment I'm a mess. I'm in the middle of a thing. He and I've been dating for five months now. I get into these relationships, and I learn that [the guys I date] have all these qualities that I should have avoided in the first place, and then it ends very quickly.

Would you like to be in a long-term relationship?
Yeah, but first, I don't know if I'm ready for that, and second, I don't want to settle for anything less than what I need and want.

You mentioned earlier that you're not sure if you want to be an actor. What would you like to do?
One thing I'm learning is that acting isn't my favorite thing. It's funny: I'm good at it, but I don't love it. I especially don't like the business. I don't have that passion that all my actor friends have: constantly talking about being an actor and how to make it happen. Maybe it's because I've already had the success -- I had the success, but I didn't have the respect. I think my celebrity was based on riding the coattails of the sitcom, so now as an actor it's about gaining respect as an actor, showing them I can act. It's the same thing with directing.

Are there other careers that interest you?
The next thing I want to do when I get back to New York [from San Francisco] is focus on teaching. I want to teach drama and acting at a private high school in Manhattan. I have this really cool ability to be very up front with people about anything. I think that would be an interesting quality as a teacher.

So tell me about The Velocity of Gary. You play a hustler. What kind of research did you do?
[Laughs] I didn't need to do that kind of research. As an actor, the kind of research I do is to re-create the environment in my head. So if Gary is in Central Park, I want to go to Central Park and figure out where I am. One thing that I love to do as an actor is to make the audience see what I'm seeing. The play itself gives me more than enough information without having to go talk to hustlers and see how they actually live.

Did any of the cast [of Who's the Boss?] come see you in the show when it was in New York?
Judith was the only one who was able to come. She loved it. She was really excited about it.

Do you still watch old episodes of Who's the Boss?
Yeah. It frustrates me a lot.

Why? Were you anything like Jonathan while you were filming the show?
I think in the beginning of the show we were more alike, but as I started growing up we weren't at all. He just couldn't do anything right. He's not an independent kind of a guy. He's like a younger version of [his mother] Angela, a flake. And I was so not. Jonathan was so dorky. I want to yell at him "Come on, just grow up!"

Bahr also writes for The New York Times, Time Out New York, and Poets & Writers.